fuckyeahtattoos:

Everyone is such a cynic when it comes to love & relationships. I have found my best friend, my lover, and my soul mate. Our love is strong, and without him I don’t feel whole. He is my other half, and our hands are meant to fit each others.

omfg i love this.

fuckyouinsomnia:

i loveeee it

(via seneca-falls-deactivated2012120)

fuckyeahtattoos:

This is my second tattoo, I got it on my hip on May 12th at Art Alive in Archdale, NC.  It is my favorite quote of all time by Brian Andreas.  I love the constant reminder that no matter what happens in LIFE, the WORLD is still an incredibly beautiful place and we have to appreciate it for that.

omfg the words are too beautiful.

fuckyeahtattoos:

This quote is from Kurt Vonnegut’s Mother Night. It’s something I always try to keep in mind. I wanted to include Vonnegut’s asterisk, and the font of the quote is actually his handwriting. My friend got me the tattoo as a present for my twentieth and I absolutely love it. This was done by Jim at House of Madness in Hampstead, MD.

i dont even like Kurt Vonnegut… but i like this quote a lot.

fuckyeahtattoos:

This is my second tattoo. I found an image of a sketch-ish Elephant that I loved (I just love me some elephants) on Google search(very similar to one posted earlier). This one was definitely not as planned as my 1st (submitted earlier, greek word arete) but it’s totally cute and fun, just like me! 

Elephant for my love of elephants and music as a tribute to my 9 years in band. 

CUTE and i WANT

fuckyeahtattoos:

A heart on my home, and a dot on every place I’ve traveled to. Can’t wait to add more dots! Tattoo by Jay at Stingers.

i am so in love with this tattoo

fuckyeahtattoos:

rrenis.blogg.se

ok.

fuckyeahtattoos:

Alice Naiman - Spunk Tattoo Bucharest

WANT

Some times I forget its there… But I always remember why I got it. And I love it so much…

sooo this morning (the 21st) i woke up and helped mj clean the frog tank before took her to school. while we were cleaning, mom came and stared and commented constantly on the tat like saying how big it was, how i was gonna get hep c and that i would never be able to get life insurance.. i tried to ignore it.

when i got home from dropping off mj, i came into the house and heard mom crying bawling.. like legit noisy, sobby and messy bawling..

jesus christ. i went downstairs and layed in bed

at first, i felt sooooo guilty for making her feel this upset.. like she failed as a parent or something.

but then, i remembered all the shit she’s given me over the years.. the endless insecurities, the multiple comments and insults through out my life.. i started to not feel bad at all. in fact, i felt like she was finally getting a taste of her own medicine..

her making me feel like no one would ever love me, or ever marry because of this tattoo is a lie. if the only reason why they can’t love me or accept me is because of this tat, they are not the one for me… and i deserve better.

i could hear mom moving around upstairs, still crying hysterically.. i think she was checking to see if i got home.. i dunno.. i still feel bad, but its not fair that she gets to make me cry and feel like i’m inadequate all the time.

i came upstairs to leave for bubble tea with dani and wes. i saw her and could tell that she had been crying.. i quickly left as fast as i could..

later, i sent her a text. “okasama. gomen nasai..”

i guess i was “forgiven” more or less because when i got home from work, mj mom and i filled out the FAFSA stuff on the computer without the tat or anything like that coming up…

on a side note.. i think that G and i are much better friends than i thought we were.. i texted him about this whole situation and didn’t hear back from him in almost 24 hrs. but he eventually came around and asked if everything was ok. i called him tonight and we talked for over an hour: about the tattoo situation, and other random stuff. it was crazy. i was super nervous going into the convo, but it flowed naturally and it wasn’t awkward.

so yea.. we’re better friends. and i’m seriously super grateful to have him as one. but i still can’t help but wonder how badly i hurt him.. or if i’m still hurting him by being his friend now.. i know that it would be really really hard for me to stay friends with someone who tricked and betrayed me the way i did him..

but at the end of the day.. i am grateful for my life. the last thing it is is perfect. but if it was, it wouldn’t be interesting.

i’m grateful for a mother who cares enough about me to cry over me..

i’m grateful for friends who offer to help and house me during hard times..

i’m grateful that i’m strong enough to carry myself and to be independent enough..

-j-

soooo i got the wrist tattoo back on the day before my 21st birthday…

mom found out about it today…

it was NOT good..

basically my bracelet slipped or something because she started asking me what was on my wrist.. i was trying to dodge the questions, but quickly she figured it out and FLIPPPPPEDDD OUTTTT.. like ape shit flipped out.. jesus christ she was pounding her fist on the table, stomping around, spitting.. just completely wigged out! i knew it was gonna be bad, but i didn’t think she could top the freak out she had when i told her i wanted to move into dalia’s basement.

but she went MILES over that freak out.. no contest

she was screaming about how spoiled i was, and how this was a result of me hanging out til three “everyday”.. started blaming dad for it saying that he “let it happen”.. god, it was soo obnoxious.. she screamed at me, demanding why i didn’t get permission from her, and that its not my body to tattoo.. its God’s.. she kept screaming about could i get matched, blessed or stand in front of true parents like that. that it was somewhere everyone could see. she kept threatening to cut it out of me. she kept saying that she invested so much into me and that she was going to go and cry because i’ve totally strayed away now… and after yelling that it was permanent and was forever, spat out that i have to get it removed tomorrow… god, it was like i had come home and told her that i had killed 50 people, and had buried them in the backyard.

i can’t believe that she honestly thinks that this is the worst thing that i could’ve EVER done to upset her.. and that this is whats going to keep me from getting blessed or keep me from standing before true father..

bullshit.

there are bcs out there who drink, smoke, take drugs, have had multiple gf/bf but just because my tattoo is VISIBLE, i’m getting shit… this is complete bullshit

i called heidi because she said the day mom found out about it, i should call her so that she could talk mom down.. i started crying on the phone, which i wasn’t expecting at all.. but heidi kept reassuring me that everything was going to be ok, and that i wasn’t a bad person and that mom was lucky to have me and she was freaking out so much was because she loved me..

we went to grandma’s house so that she could “calm” down.. M (who was in a hotel room on her way for south africa) called to check up on me because i had emailed her about it. i started getting choked up telling her, and she again told me that mom can only say things to me… she has no control, and is realizing it more and more…

i texted D about the whole thing and asked if things were still weird if i could spend the night. she of course said yes, but when i got home, mom was “asleep”.. according to mj, she was just lying in bed, and wasn’t going to speak to me. good.

i’m going to just go to D’s place after class tomorrow and just lay low.. i don’t want to have to deal with this…

i hate this. i hate how she makes me feel about myself. its unfair and fucked up that she gets so much control over me..

i shouldn’t care all that much about the shit she says to me, but it does..

i shouldn’t believe all the shit she says that “i’m amounting to”, but i can’t help it..

its really frustrating that i, a 21 year old woman, still feel trapped, alone, and unwelcome in the presence of my own mother.. thats just not right…

hopefully, things will blow over soon.. because i hate this feeling.. this feeling of fear.. this feeling that i am and will never be good enough for my mother..

-j-